i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
