all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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