I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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