Me. At least after what I've been through.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
