she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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