just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
