I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
