Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
