u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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