I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
