I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
