I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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