I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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