im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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