you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
