I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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