Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
