Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize