Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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