Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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