god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
