ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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