I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
