I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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