I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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