a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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