yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
