Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
