She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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