I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
BRING THE BAGELS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
