if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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