I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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