I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
