Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We left an ass print on the piano.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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