i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
