Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
