I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
