After last night, I could never be a politician.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
