she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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