Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
