This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
