Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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