We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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