So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
