You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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