I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
