I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
