Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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