can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
