Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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