I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize