I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
