I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
