You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
