he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize