I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
