Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize