I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
