i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
