True but thats because hes a fetus.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
