and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
