"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
