i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
