if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
