there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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