My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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