She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
