I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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