My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We left the knife in your bed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
