STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
